This is what I wrote last night, after I’d gotten back from a birthday/house party, and then a frat party. It was 2 AM ish. I was just barely tipsy. There are typos, but I dont like to correct them when I make them because I’m drunk, so they’ll stand.

I hate freshmen girls, I really do. I hate how they’re hot, and willing, and skanky. I hate skinny blond chicks with tiny little waists and huge blue eyes and how the boys love them. I hate how I’m not the only girl in the world.



I want to meet a boy. I want a boyfriend. Yesterday I didn’t; tomorrow I wont…but today, right now, I want one. Sometimes I wonder what’s wrong with me, that I haven’t had a boyfriend at 20, but I know there’s nothing wrong with me. I think I have high standards, is what everyone tells me.

Fuck, I dont even know what this post is about. I wanted to write about my night, but no one wants to hear about that, and I just feel soboring. In my own defense, I’m kind of tipsy. I guess that makes this qualify as a drunk post, which makes it okay if it’s no coherent. So I’m not even going to try anymore. I wanted to meet a guuuuuy tonight, but who wants to try to compete with freshmen girls in bikinis? And even if I did want to, who wants to compete with them for freshmen guys? I dont like younger guys; I’m not that girl.

I’m not that happy right now, if you can’t tell. I’m in kind of a bad mood, which is rare, for me, but I guess my time had to come sometime. Also, I’m so tired of Rosemary. I love her, and we get along fantastically, but she’s always in the room. I never don’t see her. I want the place to myself now and again, you know?
I guess I wasn’t in the best of moods when I wrote it. The evening was a slight disappointment. First off, I didn’t have enough to drink that sitting in Calc lecture would be interesting, and second off, Buttercup, whom I’d gone with, kind of ditched me. Half an hour into the frat party, which turned out to be jam-packed with freshmen (which I didn’t mind as much as she did, actually) she met a Korean guy in his first week in the US who spoke just a little English. For some reason I can’t fathom, she is into guys like this, and she spent the rest of the night talking to him while I sat there and tried not to look stupid. At one point I turned to talk to the three guys sitting stone-cold-sober on the couch next to me, but they were neither a) interesting, nor b) hot, so I quickly gave up.

Also, The Chemist was at the party, and he came over and we exchanged hello’s and a hug, and pretty much left each other alone the rest of the night. I didn’t think it would bug me, but I have to admit that it did a little, that he didn’t want to stay and talk. Well, he was probably there to find freshmen chicks to hook up with.

I think Cap’n Crunch was also supposed to be there, and I was looking for him, because him being there would have made it all better (oops, I guess that was a confession), but I never saw him. Not that he would’ve been hard to spot, what with being very, very tall. Not that we weren’t practically sedentary the whole night.

I dont have this feeling a lot, because I’m laid back to the point of it being a fault, but it’s hard, you know, to not feel like there’s something wrong with you when you’re 20 and have not yet had a boyfriend. There’s been plenty of crushes, both me on them and them on me, too many wolf-whistles and/or equivalent, many blowjobs, andflirting fit to feed Africa if flirting were food, but there hasn’t been a boyfriend. Maybe I’m just not going about this right. It’s not like I’m actively trying to find one (because then step one would be to get rid of The Chemist–which I honestly plan to do, once I work up the nerve and formulate a plan), but don’t they always say that you find him when you’re not looking? Well then, if I close my eyes will Prince Charming show up on my doorstep with flowers and a ice coffee?

Um. But I’ll be okay, I always am.