In keeping with the FCC’s Equal-time rule and in an effort to keep the international Functional Alcoholic Slurperson election fair and balanced, i have generously decided to donate advertising space on my blog to my fellow can-idates .

____________________________________________________________________________________________

Praying Manther

Name: Praying Manther

Sex: Yes, please.

Age: 36, and you?

Qualifications

As an Alcoholic

• I hold parties in my basement and serve cheerleaders Bacardi rum and beer.
• I drink some too.

As Functional

• I’m good at story telling (like regaling my 16-year-old and his friends with tales of my sexual exploits).
• I’m a DJ during my parties.
• I’m good at DIY. I’ve even installed a pole for dancing in my basement.
• I’m a good motivator, like yelling ‘Get on the pole!’ to the cheerleaders.
• I’m computer savvy, to the point of posting the photos of my campaign parties on Facebook.

Slogan: If I can serve minors, I can serve you.

Bumper Sticker: