Tales from a Sober College Girl
Alcohol February 8th, 2010
photo from mrmcface.deviantart.com
I’m an 18 year old college freshman. I’ve been pulled out of my BFE location of a hometown, thrown into a bigger city hidden in the St. Louis metro area and everyday I am learning new things about myself, others, and things relating to my major. It sounds typical enough of a college student, but apparently I’m different than many because I don’t drink — I’m . I’ve been edge since I was a measly 14 years old with my insecurities on my sleeve and acne on my forehead. The acne faded, I have more confidence now than ever before… But one thing that hasn’t changed is my choice to live a straight edge lifestyle. In high school most people didn’t ask me about it too much, they accepted it, they moved on. Most of my friends throughout high school were edge or didn’t drink either. But at my college a high majority of people drink (including my friends), and as I am growing up I’m learning the bracket of non-drinkers in my age demographic is quickly dwindling. Because of this, I suppose less people on my college campus are used to meeting a girl that doesn’t drink and therefore I am now used to the common question — “Why don’t you drink/do drugs/whatever?”
I get asked this question so often and people are so startled by the answer, “no, I don’t drink ever” (this happens especially at parties), that usually their expression will warp and contort in sometimes confusion and/or disgust. I am the token sober person, and it gets lonely for obvious reasons. But as someone who tries to be outgoing and enjoys socializing I go out to parties to avoid sitting in my dorm all weekend. People assume I can’t enjoy myself at parties, but for the most part I try to. I like dancing so I dance (with the drunkest of the drunk and I still rock it!), I chat with the people who are just buzzed, sometimes there will even be more than one sober person there. But the constant heckling and pressure from people to drink or “go smoke a bowl” with them is frustrating. The way people sometimes act when they find out I don’t drink is so out of the unexpected that it makes me feel like I am defected, and it makes me sometimes feel embarrassed of my choice to live the way I do. Unlike in high school I don’t have my group of edge buddies, here in college I have myself to keep myself going strong. I do know though, that even though sometimes I may seem embarrassed, I know that this is the right choice for me. I am proud of myself. Some people do not understand why I am edge though, so this is for them.
Why am I Straight Edge?
You would think growing up my parents must have drilled in my head not to do drugs, not to drink, to be a good God lovin’ child. In all honesty they didn’t, and even my sister says it’s amazing how we grew up into fully functional people because sometimes our parents just didn’t seem to care. But I’ve always been observant and growing up I saw how drugs and alcohol affected many of the people around me. My cousin used to be beautiful, nearly model-like, and now she’s aged into a shell of who she used to be. Her brains are gone, her looks are gone due to the abuse her body took from her own hands. I was best friends with a girl who had a horrible life growing up because her mother spent all their money on drugs and alcohol, marrying men who had the same addictions as her. I didn’t have to know what edge to know that I didn’t want to waste my time on that. I didn’t want a love of getting high to surpass the love I have for my friends and family. But then people throw out the argument that you’re not automatically addicted to the drugs or the alcohol, that the people who let it ruin their life have no control. This argument is true, but that still doesn’t sway my opinions. I like to have control over my thoughts, my actions, and my life (although this is definitely not possible all the time). I want to face my conflicts with a sober mind, conquer them with a sober mind, and grow as a person because of it. Self-medicating with alcohol? Not for me. I don’t know why I grew up necessarily feeling this way but when the time came where someone offered me a drink, it was almost natural instinct to say no thank you to them. I don’t want to pollute my body any further than it already has (thank you industrial town I grew up in).
Some people don’t understand this though, there needs to be a deeper reason. When I ask a guest if they want a grape or cherry Popsicle they will say whatever flavor they’re more inclined to enjoy. I chose not to drink because it is something I am more inclined to enjoy. There isn’t entirely too much to explain other than that.
Do I ever think I will Break Edge?
. What happens if I pick up that can of PBR and channel my inner hipster/frat boy? I don’t how it’d change me, I don’t care because I know who I am right now. I take everyday one by one but I don’t see myself living any other lifestyle than the one I’m living. Plus I made this promise to myself, and if I break it will my word be valid anyone? If I can’t keep a promise to myself how can I to others? I’ve had plenty of chances to break edge, even legal chances, and yet I still have no desire to change the way I live. As I grow older like many I might not refer to myself as edge anymore, which for the most part I don’t do as much now. I just live by these straight edge principles. But one can never predict the future.
This is me right now, this is who I am — I am Chelsy and I’ve got the Edge.
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